It’s the last day of March, and I wanted to close out the month with a few reflections… and a look at what I’m walking into in April.
For starters, I’ve never had a year at the farm begin like this.
Back in December, I was able to buy enough hay to carry me through the winter - something that only happened because the barn was finally cleaned out and able to hold more than ever before.
Then there’s the land - all the grounds out here that I maintain purely for my own enjoyment. And for the first time, it doesn’t feel overwhelming.
Mostly because I now have a small fleet of working lawn tractors - including one with a little haul trailer that has made life out here so much easier. To be honest, this little combo makes me feel like a kid with her most prized possession she didn’t even know was possible. I didn’t ask for it. In fact, I’ve had this mower and this cart for years and thanks to my uncle, he put them together for me and the joy was overwhelming.
My uncle - the same one who got ol’ Black Pearl back on the road with a full undercarriage overhaul - brought two of my John Deeres back from the dead. One of them had been sitting untouched for four years.
A few years ago, I actually made a Facebook post offering them up for free as scrap… and then took it down because I watch too many horror movies and got spooked by how many random men wanted to come out to my house and load them up. I mean - it’s exactly what I asked for. But in hindsight… not my smartest move.
Turns out the universe had other plans for those mowers.
And now, I’m heading into full bloom season feeling excited instead of growing anxiety about how I’m going to manage it all.
I’m very grateful for uncles who enjoy tinkering with small engines (and bigger ones) when I’m out here doing this farm life on my own.
Then there’s this blog.
When I transitioned from ‘About An Acre’ to ‘Frugal Fashionable Farmer’ back in 2013, I can see now that I was trying to figure out who I was.
I was already starting to realize that in my relationship, neither of us was happy.
So I began exploring the parts of me that felt alive. thrifting (something I’ve loved since I was a child), fashion, music, my animals… all the things that felt like me.
And in hindsight, none of those things included my partner.
That should have been the sign.
Instead, the years invested overrode the practicality of leaving… and the next ten years of staying put made us both miserable, eventually eroding even the amicable parts of what we had.
I guess what I’m really saying is, going into April, I can finally feel that one door is closed… and the future is wide open.
Hopefully for him, too.
I’ve moved through all of it - hurt, anger, resentment - and having released those things, I finally feel like this farm… and this new version of the blog, ‘Winterville Wildling’, reflects who I actually am.
Not a version of me trying to figure it out.
Just… me.
The plates I posted about last weekend came yesterday, and something that small feels huge to me.
I’m excited to get back to baking, cooking, setting mismatched tables… even if it’s just me sitting at them.
Life out here has softened into something easier and more genuine feeling.
Reece, who once required so much management and planning to keep him settled, is now content spending his days outside in his hammock. His energy has shifted with mine, and he’s so much more relaxed.
Poptart has always been easy, so she remains her perfect, joyful self.
And these days, it’s just one goat, two disabled ducks, and the two horses. A smaller menagerie that feels manageable. Sustainable.
Peaceful.
I work for myself now. I’m outside every day. And I’m not carrying the emotional weight I used to.
In a lot of ways, I’ve arrived at the life I was trying to build back in 2013.
Only now, I’m actually here for it.
I’m excited to share this next chapter - friend hangs, comedy shows, music, all of it.
Same farm. Same woman.
Just no longer trying so hard to become the version of myself that has recently arrived.
xo
-s
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